i was born a porn star she said
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
