I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
