And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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