i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
