Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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