There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've blown a few things in my day
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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