Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
