mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
