what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
