suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
