Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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