I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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