from now on my penis is your penis
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
