No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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