R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
