yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
