If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
