Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
