I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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