don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
