no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
