I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
