I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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