Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
