Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
