I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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