So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
