we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i drank out of a bidet.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
