So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
