His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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