The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
