Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this just has baby written all over it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
