even my farts smell like vagina
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
