Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
