If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
