I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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