I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
