I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
