Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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