do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
