she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
