You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
