i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
