i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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