MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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