can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We left the knife in your bed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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