somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
