i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
