Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
