I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
