video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
