Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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